The above verses come in the context of the Passover gathering of Jesus and his disciples just before his arrest and crucifixion, commonly referred to as “The Last Supper.” Jesus and Peter are not alone. The other disciples are present, and they all have been arguing over which one of them is the greatest. Jesus has had to remind them that his disciples must be humble servants, following his example. Perhaps Peter was especially obnoxious during this contentious exchange. That may be why Jesus singles him out and addresses him directly, warning him of the trials and temptations that are to come.
Apparently, Jesus is not at all sure that Peter will remain faithful, because he says that he has prayed for him that he not lose faith. True to form, Peter responds with blustery bravado. “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death,” he says. But Jesus knew Peter better than Peter knew himself. In verse 34 he says, “I tell you, Peter, the cock will not crow tonight until you have three times over denied that you know me.” (NEB)
All of us know what subsequently happened. Just as Jesus predicted, Peter denied that he was one of his followers while Jesus’ fate was being discussed by the chief priests. When Peter was no longer being surrounded and supported by like-minded people, he felt vulnerable and fearful, and he lost his resolve. Not having searched his own heart and mind in order to know himself and honestly confront his own weaknesses in advance, Peter was unprepared.
Knowing ourselves better should be an important part of our spiritual journey at all times of the year, but, especially at Lent. That is what I think “soul searching” actually is. We need to recognize the ways in which we deceive ourselves. We need to question the depth of our commitment to the principles of our faith to see if, in fact, our actions are congruent with our words. We need to evaluate what role ego plays in our interactions with others. Do we express sympathy for the poor and needy but not do anything to help alleviate their suffering? When we have a disagreement with another person, are we really interested in the truth, or, are we only trying to prevail in order to stroke our own ego. Do we express shock and dismay when we learn of instances of injustice or discrimination but fail to support people and organizations that work to correct these inequities? Where does our behavior fail to live up to our own perceptions of ourselves as followers of Jesus?
We live most of our lives unconsciously following patterns - patterns that can limit potential for growth. Breaking free from these patterns requires self-knowledge, and self-knowledge requires self-awareness. Self-awareness allows for choice, and choice brings us freedom.
Carol Kightlinger
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