Saturday, March 29

God does work in wonderful ways. Today was the aftermath of the recent snow storm. No work - all play! The entire beach is shut down... what to do first? Bundle up the kids and head out into the snow to go sledding. As we are driving down the road, I ask Jess to check the text messages on my phone. “What phone? I didn’t see you bring your phone...” she says. I know that I had that cell phone with me when we left the house. I retrace my steps and realize that I left it on the hood of the car... it is gone forever. My life is in that phone -- schedule, contacts, phone numbers, birthdays, anniversaries, upcoming events, important data, ideas, photos, videos, memories – gone... forever. My life is over – my day, week, month is shot – I cannot believe I am such an idiot

My attitude becomes hostile at best. I am miserable – and doing my best to make everyone around me feel the same way. “Why do these things always happen to ME!” “Why can’t I ever catch a break?” “How can I be so stupid?” “How come you didn’t see the phone on the hood and stop me?!”... and so it goes for another hour or so. Jess has reached her breaking point and tells me to “let it go.” “Just let it go.” “Let it go.” So I stop, pause, breathe and say a prayer. I pray to God to help me. Thy will be done. This too shall pass. All will be well.

It doesn’t happen suddenly, but it does happen. God has helped me let it go. He has helped ease my catastrophizing. Slowly but surely, I am able to see how selfish and self-centered I have been acting over a lost cell phone. I am being ridiculous – acting like a spoiled child... worse than my kids... on this truly remarkable, God given day on the Outer Banks. These types of days – where we have absolutely NOTHING to do but enjoy each other and the gift of a major snow fall – come around so infrequently. These types of days MUST be enjoyed. They are a gift. This life is such a gift. These kids are such a gift. Jess is a god-send and an absolute blessing in my life. By God, we are going to have a great, fun-filled day after all! 

I am a slow learner. I am not the center of the universe, even though I act as though I am. The transformation that God is helping me make in my life – from selfish to selfless – is going to be a lifelong process. Change is not easy for me. But I can change. I am changing – for the better. I am learning to think of others, sometimes putting others’ needs in front of my own. Not always... but sometimes. I am learning and changing... one good deed at a time. This is God’s resurrection in my life.

John Lenhart