“May the Darkness Illuminate the Light.”
This resurrection reflection came last December 21st at the Winter
Solstice Labyrinth Walk. It is framed by the quote above from Pat Wilson’s meditation guide that day, and the quote below shared with me by a good friend back when.
The darkness of which I speak is the darkness of Depression. As I grew up I came to believe that depression was a fate almost worse than death. I saw it up close, for my mother had Bad Depression. It had crippled her. In her youth and her prime she had been an accomplished, multi-talented, vivacious woman. Now she was unhappy and bitter. So naturally I was NEVER going to be like her.
You can probably guess what Life had in store for me! After the birth of one of my children, when the radiance of the first days had passed, slowly something changed. I changed. I was no longer the ‘can do’ me. The new me just wanted to withdraw, to curl up in a ball, to protect myself from the darkness and the heaviness of living.
I started counseling. I learned a lot, but I didn’t really feel much better. A second counselor suggested that I might have depression. I resisted for a while but eventually did as I was told, saw the doc and took my medicine. I did not think it would help. I still remember the day I first noticed a change. It was Thanksgiving. I was on our deck, sitting by my father-in-law. Something was different. The sun was brighter. It was there. Shining on the first day of my resurrection.
I came to value that winter season of my life. I learned that I don’t have to be up all the time. I am no longer afraid of the darkness.
”You must first enter that which you most dread, in order to be admitted to Life.”
Roisin McKeithan
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