"Prayer is not an idle occupation.
It's a very powerful instrument of our work and love."
Saint Julian of Norwich
1342-1416
When I was beginning my faith journey as a teen, I would sit in the back pew of my home church in Ohio. The morning sun would stream through the columns of stained glass behind me and manifest itself in the most beautiful illustrations in front of me. The sanctuary was nearly three stories high in the middle and the room was always bathed in magnificent light. So many times I would pinch my eyelids together to block out all of that distracting ambiance. I had it in my head that in order to pray properly, I was supposed to have my eyes closed, I was to be completely still and my thoughts were to be a direct and solitary link between me and this mysterious God. If I allowed my mind to wander and admire the light or bask in the beauty, I had somehow missed my chance to commune. I often failed at prayer.
Through college I prayed less. Instead, I took on ritual as my bridge to the Almighty. I fasted every Wednesday of Lent from sunrise to sunset, indulged only in the wafer and the wine during the noon meditation service. I sacrificed some beloved item for the weeks before Easter. I would be terribly disappointed if I strayed off of my determined path. I often failed at ritual.
In my late twenties I had settled into the belief that God is love. When I began to appreciate my thoughts and actions as an extension of the Divine, I began to feel my relationship with God come alive. I realized that quiet prayer is one thing and that ritual is one thing, but for me living and loving with the God force behind me is everything.
Dawn Kiousis
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